If you could pick a movie to live in, which one would it be?

Film noir buffs like me would be right at home in “The Maltese Falcon,” and you can’t get much closer to Bogart — at least in real life — than a live, interactive show called “Suspicious Package.”

The production begins once the audience — all four of you — arrives at the tiny Brick Theater, hidden between a bar and a laundromat on Metropolitan Ave. Because I’d chosen to be the detective beforehand (the other options — heiress, showgirl and producer — just didn’t appeal), a pretty blonde in 1940s period dress presented me with a Zune Media Player and a black fedora. Moments later, I had transformed into Steve, a tough-as-nails gumshoe with a taste for the ladies.

For the next 45 minutes, I walked the streets of Williamsburg, circa 1948, the star of my own gritty crime story. Like the other “audience members,” I was told where to go and what to say by our synchronized Zunes. Backstory was established with stylishly shot, black & white flashbacks. And video maps guided us to neighborhood bars and shops, where our paths crisscrossed with each other’s until we all united for the dramatic conclusion.

“Suspicious Package” is certainly not a typical theater experience, and that’s what makes it fun. Writer, director and proud Williamsburg resident Gyda Arber has created a multi-media happening that pays historically accurate homage to the past, using the best of modern technology. My only regret is that I wore manpri’s. Bogie wouldn’t have been caught dead in manpri’s.

Of course if you are painfully shy, anti-social or easily embarrassed, “Suspicious Package” may not be for you (at least, not without a couple pre-show shots). But with the Fringe Fest beginning tomorrow, there will be tons of smart-yet-passive entertainment for alt theater fans: 1,300 shows, in fact, not one of which is in Brooklyn. But following are some promising productions that were either written, rehearsed, performed or directed by someone on our side of the river:

Gem! A Truly Outrageous Parody
The ’80s cartoon came to life last year and sold out at Upright Citizens Brigade. See it again before the intellectual property lawyers find out. site>>

52 Man Pickup
Writer/Comedian/Diva Desiree Burch has hooked up with a lot of people, and she’d like to tell you about them, in a different order every night. site>>

Big Thick Rod
Elmer wants to make partner, so he marries… a wood nymph who’s insatiable in bed. Enter “Big Thick Rod,” and lots more sexual innuendos. site>>

Raised by Lesbians
A madcap coming-of-age play that’s smart in a “My So-Called Life” way. By accomplished playwright Leah Ryan. site>>

Waiting: A Play in Phases
Grief in the digital age, by way of Myspace and the Easter Bunny. Directed by Chloe Bass of Arts in Bushwick. site>>

“Suspicious Package,” Brick Theater, 575 Metropolitan Ave., suspiciouspackageshow.com ($20 tickets include a post-show beverage). The New York International Fringe Fest runs Aug. 8-24, fringenyc.org.

Sent by Will McKinley.
“Suspicious Package” photo by William Gardner. “Gem” photo courtesy Amanda Allan.